Tag Archives: relationships

Boys

I fall in love

like my heart is a motel room

lover after lover takes up residence

and then leaves me with shattering pieces

 

I fall in love

for all the wrong reasons

because they are mean to me

I love that they don’t give a damn

because they are kind to me

I love that they care at all

I like the ones who don’t like me at all

and I like the ones who like me too much

 

I like mean boys, the dangerous ones

who don’t give me a second thought

they don’t care about my feelings

but god they make me feel alive

they’re adventure and risk

and all that this universe has to offer

and I’m a sucker for the great unknown

 

I like kind boys, the vanilla ones

I eat up their shreds of concern

like a hungry dog gobbles food

blue eyes blonde hair

I need a little good after all the bad

they heal me after the mean ones destroy me

I tell them everything

spill all my secrets out of open wounds

but eventually it gets boring

you can have only so much vanilla

before you want a taste of the devil’s chocolate

my plastered heart is ready for another round

 

 

I go back to the mean ones

on their motorbikes

with their black leather jackets

stopping by my motel

with charm and good looks

as their only payment for the night

at first it’s a schoolgirl’s crush

until it just gets worse

 

I don’t seem to know what’s good for me

or rather who’s good for me

I’ll never find a mean one who cares enough and

I’ll never find a kind one who’s dangerous enough

 

I’ll just be left with

my boys and my memories

ghosts at my lonely altar

no one to really call my own.

 


Originally posted on The Sehrish Thing

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Ruinous Love

in retrospect

it was the worst time of my life

love is such a ruinous thing

it never …

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We’re Falling Apart

With every sarcastic jab

Passed off with a breezy laugh

I wonder when I lost you

I wonder what I did to push you away

 


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Tiny Spaces

I loved him in the places where weeds grew

in the cracks between pavements

in the narrow alleyways littered with burnt hopes and dreams

I loved him somewhere between forever and never

I loved him somewhere between poison and elixir

I loved him somewhere between the light of the sun’s first rays

And the dying of the day

I loved him in the endless fall

between the jump and the crash-landing

In between the hours of the day

In between the creases on my forehead

In between fighting and giving up

In the little glitches of time and space

In between the street lamp and its glow

In between lightning and thunder

In between the mirror and its reflection

In the breaks between living and dying

I loved him in all these tiny spaces.

 


Originally posted on The Sehrish Thing

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Carnival

In an abandoned carnival

by a rotting pier

I sit with my feet swinging below me

The purple blue of the sky is eerie

This is where I fell in love

This is where I walked away

I come back here now

To relive those memories

Trying not to regret the decisions I made

Trying not to let the tears fall.

 

He’s calling me names

I’m saying them too

I want to walk away

maybe slam a door

or two

but I’m rooted to the spot

I can’t seem to move

It’s like this every time

What am I supposed to do?

 

We were either all in

or all out

there was no in between.

I meant more to him

than he meant to me

a little lopsided

that was our story.

 

It was all

late night conversations

hurt and tears

our eyes were flirting

while our mouths were fighting.

 

Maybe we were too young

Maybe I was too young

For the intensity

For the commitment

for the maturity

What if I met him now?

Would it be the same?

 

 

I was a bird

that couldn’t be caged

I couldn’t be held down

so I walked away

It seemed like the right thing to do then

I remember

 I knew I was letting go of something

that I may never have again

I remember thinking about this exact moment

of regret

of what ifs

of missed opportunities

and I let him go anyway.

 

In this abandoned carnival

by a rotting pier

swinging on a horse

on a lit up carousel

It’s lifeless eyes look back at me

one day as mine will be

I hear sounds behind me

footsteps on the wet grass

I don’t look back

but he comes around

and sits on a horse beside me

Our eyes meet

And I feel like I can breathe again

We just stare

and stare

and stare

Not quite believing

just staring.

 

He doesn’t say a word

I don’t say a word

I am scared of ruining this perfect moment

perfect though it is burdened

by memories

by regrets

by anger

by tears

The carousel starts spinning,

and we dance

we dance to the melody

as we spin,

round

and round

and round.

 

“Sehrish”

he whispers my name

“It’s you”

I whisper too

Now that the silence is broken

my heart is shattering too

A tear slips down

one cheek

then the next

One foot in front of the other

Till my hands are there

in his face

in his hair

My arms are around him

And his are around me

In this carnival

by the rotting pier

I think the hole in my chest

is healing.

 

I’m older now

We both are

I can be more mature

I can be more secure

the jealousy

and the hunger

it won’t go away

but I promise,

I promise I will try

this time around.

 

This bird had soared the skies

and come back

it had decided that

the skies were overrated.

 

But now I see myself more like

a wildflower

rooted to the gorund

not so delicate anymore

a little hardened

a little mature.

 


Originally posted on The Sehrish Thing

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Loving You

loving you was

a little bitter, a little sweet

it was my sin, it was my rebellion

loving you was

heaven and hell all at once

a paradox custom-made for me

 

it was the early mornings with the sun in our faces

kissing you like it was the end of the days

it was the  late nights awake till 1 am

breaking glass and screaming till we lost our voices

 

it was like the kisses you left on my neck

gentle but oh so deadly

the waves that lulled you to sleep

and the waves that came crashing down on you

 

it was like the coffee you made for me

on lazy Sunday mornings in bed

bringing me back from the land of the dead

but once you reach the bottom all that is left is bitter dregs

 

it was like the fan on the ceiling

when the summer nights got too hot

hypnotic in its whirring

but all it brought was a biting chill

 

it was getting sucked into a rabbit hole

an endless fall

like we would never hit the bottom

until we did

and it hurt

 

it was driving out to no where

just to watch the stars

I didn’t know where we were going

but your hand in mine just felt right

 

loving you was all-consuming

and not loving you

has consumed me too.

 


Originally posted on The Sehrish Thing

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A lover’s complaint

These streets I walk, they call your name. 
Where my excursions have not been the same. 
These tress and the birds sing your song.
When it rains, they’d want us to come along.

These evening breezes whisper me by the ear,
About how they loved seeing us in pair.
These lonely moments begging for your presence to be felt.
But your frozen heart has yet to melt.

These eyes of mine dying to see your light.
These hands wanting to hold you tight.
These immense crowds fail to connect my call.
So I die every night, thinking of you, wanting to share it all.

It is when I can’t endure this pain.
I write it down simple and plain. 

A page I keep up every now and then,
What I call it, a lover’s complaint.

 

Thanks for reading.
Originally posted on Despite my deepest thoughts
Image credit earthroom