Why I Write Sad Poems

The worst kind of pain is when you’re smiling to just to stop the tears from falling… Am very good at this even being aware that crying doesn’t mean being weak But i gotta keep a smiling face because some people draws happiness from seeing me smile.
One of my fans approached me one day and asked “Gings you write mostly about sadness and pain thus i know without being told that you’re a sad poet But on many occasions I have seen you from a distance you re always wearing a smile making me to ponder on what inspires the sad and broken poems…….
I really cannot give you a definite answer.
I’d be lying if I said I knew.
But I can express why,
I think it’s essential…..
I jot it down to avoid sympathy,
The pathetic looks on my face when I shed a few tears.
Literally the judgments in their voices I try to avoid
So their condolence doesn’t get to bounce back and forth in my heads for days without end.
“And that’s the thing about pain,
It demands to be felt”
Instead of hearing my reasons just to respond,
You get to read it
And maybe understand what it is that is eating my soul.
It has picked at my flesh for so long
I have got the cuts to prove it
I don’t need the quiz.
I don’t know what I may need at that moment,
I think its chocolate……
Oh no, it’s wine…..
Nope, that’s not it……
I need to be held,
No words just silence,
Hug me tight till it all ends.
But that’s not why I write.
I write because it’s better putting words on paper
Because it becomes evidence of the hardship I’ve overcome,
A reminder to me of how far I have come to be…
So…..For as many as they
That judges me everyday
Because I pour out my sadness
Just to make it clawless
I don’t wish for you to understand
For my pains you can never withstand
Just read my pains in written words
But never you wish to live in my world
For nothing dwells there
Nothing my dear
Nothing but pains
Real pain

No More You

No more you I told myself

Since you choose to leave the heart that love you

And be joined with the bitch that lust after thee

Our promises so solemn you forsook and fled


It’s painful to let go off you

But am going to do it for my sake

For along the miles you left me to wile down the drain

Love turned to hatred all cos’ of you


Should I keep you in my heart

when it’s obvious you don’t want to stay?

Am letting go off you

My heart shall no longer beat for you

My heart shall no longer accommodate the thought of you.


Of what essence shall it be thinking of a bitch

Bleached bitch in the pitch of lust?

It can only be a waste of time and am not ready to do such.

No space left here for you

So don’t bother coming back

To a place you turned your back on


It’s no more about you for you are long gone.

What I once feared and tagged a terror

Is now an error left to be corrected

The thought of losing you I once dreaded

But now it’s no more for you are no more what you think you are


It’s only a matter of time

Every pain I feel now

Shall be my gain

For it’s no more about you 


The reason I do this, the reason I cut myself is to replace some of the agonizing pain.I’ve been cutting myself ever since I can remember.

Before I came to this city, before I came to meeting you.

My friends from my old school didn’t care if I ended up committing suicide.

But I remember one.

Only one meant a lot to me.

Ella, my old friend.

She understood me, she tried everything in her power to keep me away from harms way.

After I moved and lost contact with her all the agonizing pain that she took from me came back!

Every night I would hold my “friend” to my wrist and slash open my warm, tanned colored skin.

The blood seeping down my arm, glistening in the dull restroom light.

This pain.

This pain replaced the one I had for her.

When I went to school I would have to wear sweaters to school even on very hot days, just to hide my scars from judging eyes.

Then I met you and you automatically became my friend.

You were the only one that was there for me.

You made me feel like I belonged, that I was needed, that I didn’t need to hurt myself to solve my problems.

But just one little slip and I came crashing down.

Back to my old self.

The self that I hated.

The self that I never wanted to go back to.

It’s gotten out of hand!

I just want to give up and say farewell to this God forsaken planet!

But I would end up hurting you.

Not me, but You.

The person that showed me that the world isn’t so bad.

The one that took my hand and lead me out f the darkness and into the light.

I would be hurting you Helen!

And I’m sorry I did.

I just didn’t know what to do.

When I wanted to contact you and tell you that my life was crashing down on me, the phone seemed miles away from my reach.

When I tried telling you at school, I couldn’t find the words.

So I ended up bottling the pain, the drama, all my problems inside of me and ended up breaking down.

I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.

And now I know better.

I’ll try to talk my problems out like I did when we first met.

And try to become the self that you knew and loved.The reason i do this


There are many bitches in this world

But the worst is fate

It brings two different souls together

Gave them the idea of becoming one

Fills their lions with things which can never exist

Binds them to an unknown cause.

It brought me to a soul and I sold my all just to have the soul

A soul I know nothing about

Blindfolded me with unknown imagination and false ignition

My cause I forsook just for this unknown soul

Friends became enemies and enemies became friends

It aroused the force to believe in her

Made it look so real that I doubt it not.

Life they say is regulated by fate

But I believe it not because am not a bitch like her

Only bitches will ever believe so

Fate is a bitch and can never dictate what happens in life

Who we meet and who we love has nothing to do with fate

But man made it look like she has all in her palms

Bleaching bitch.

I hate fate I hate her principles

Why bring two souls together when you know they will certainly part?

Why join two causes that are never meant to be?

Why thwart destinies of men and made them look like fool?

Only a bitch does that and certainly you are the worst bitch

Men lay their trust in you only to be betrayed at last


From the very moment I opened my eyes to this world as a child, I have not been like others

Your love towards me has been worse than that given to a morbid bastard

Making me to wonder if am truly your son or did mom owe me an explanation of who my real father is.


Every child I have ever grown to know boasts of how loving their fathers has been

Showing proof of such love

But when it comes to mine I bow my head in shame like one that has no father.


Everything I have ever own has been given to me by me

But always you take the glory leaving me behind the scene

All this yet I kept my mouth shut just for peace to reign


Among your other kids am the best but with you am not better than the worst

Decisions of my life you have always made

Making me a tenant in my own life yet I made no complain


The very first word I learned was ‘’dad’’

And that has been my worst mistake

For you never deserve that


My siblings sleep every night with smiles on their faces

But mine gets filled with pains I dare not question

Praying tomorrow never comes for that is the only hope I could get

But I wake up every morning beholding your face and I ask why life has given me such gift.


I live hoping a day will come when I shall know the taste and the efficacy of happiness

A day when I shall be the landlord of my own life

Until this day comes … enjoy the moment which fate has given to you.


Writer’s blog

Tune baat ki aise andaaz se

Mujhe laga tu koi apna sa

Mere taraf ke tere uss bartaav se

Mujhe laga tu koi sapna sa

Haskar jo tu mujhe dekh leta ek baar

Main soch baithti ki shayad tujhe hai mujhse pyaar

Naadaan thi main tab par aaj jaan chuki hu sach

Aree tujhe fursat hi kaha thi teri duniya se

Jo tu uss bheed me se mujhe dekh pata ek pal

Shikayat nahi hai mujhe tujhse haalaakhi

Tu aisa kare aisi aasha bhi nahi thi meri

Bas tujhe door se dekhkar hi khush rehti thi main

Bas ek baar tujhse baat kar jee leti thi main

Tujhe chot pohche aisa iraada na tha mera

Tujhe achha na lagega ye khayaal na tha mera

Main toh bas itna jaanti thi ki

Tere bina jeena gawaara tha mera

Teri palkon ki nazar se guzara tha mera

Tere aane se zindagi me bahaar aayi mere

Aur tere jaane se zindagi ke sapne bikhar gaye mere

Bhoolkar mujhe khush toh hoga bohot zindagi se ?

Bhoolkar mujhe khush toh hoga bohot zindagi se ?

Meri toh zindagi hi chal rahi hai tere yaadon ke sahaare se

Meri toh zindagi hi chal rahi hai tere yaadon ke sahaare se

  • Manali

Manali’s blog


Romantic Ghazal###”KAASH”###

My new Ghazal —> “KAASH…..” (a Romantic Ghazal)

Kaash Aisa Ho jaye Ki sochun Tujhe aur Tu Qareeb Aa Jaaye,
Aur phir bataun Tujhe ki Kaise Maine Tere Baghair Din Bitaaye.

Kaash Tujh se Judaai Ka Dard Kuchh Is Tarah se Bahar Aaaye,
Ki Ro Sakun Main Sukoon Se Kaandhey Pe Tere Sar Jhukaaye.

Kaash Kholun Jab Aankh Har Subah To Saamne Tu Nazar Aaye,
Jaanta hun Ye Mumkin Nahi Par Is Dil ko Kaun Samjhaaye.

Kaash Meri Ye Tamanna bhi bahut Jald hi Poori Ho jaaye,
Ki Phailin Hon Baahein Meri aur Tu Aake Isme Sama Jaaye.

Kaash Mere Jism Par Pade Zakhm Kuch is Tarah Bhar Jaayein,
Ki Choomti Rahe Tu Mujhe Aur Mere Zakhm Bhartey Jaayein.

Kaash De Hisaab Taqdeer un Tamaam Aansuon Ka Mujhe,
Jo Tujhe Paane Ki Tadap Me Maine Raat-Din Bahaaye.

Kaash Tere Liye Mere Dard ko dekh Khuda bhi Poochhe ek din,
Ki Aey ‘Aatif’ Kisi Ke Liye Itna Dard Tum kahan se Laaye?

a Ghazal Composed By Syed Sabah ur Rehman-“Aatif”