Category Archives: EMOTIONAL GHAZAL

Why I Write Sad Poems

The worst kind of pain is when you’re smiling to just to stop the tears from falling… Am very good at this even being aware that crying doesn’t mean being weak But i gotta keep a smiling face because some people draws happiness from seeing me smile.
 
One of my fans approached me one day and asked “Gings you write mostly about sadness and pain thus i know without being told that you’re a sad poet But on many occasions I have seen you from a distance you re always wearing a smile making me to ponder on what inspires the sad and broken poems…….
 
WHY I WRITE SAD POEMS
I really cannot give you a definite answer.
I’d be lying if I said I knew.
But I can express why,
I think it’s essential…..
I jot it down to avoid sympathy,
The pathetic looks on my face when I shed a few tears.
 
Literally the judgments in their voices I try to avoid
So their condolence doesn’t get to bounce back and forth in my heads for days without end.
“And that’s the thing about pain,
It demands to be felt”
Instead of hearing my reasons just to respond,
You get to read it
And maybe understand what it is that is eating my soul.
 
It has picked at my flesh for so long
I have got the cuts to prove it
And
I don’t need the quiz.
I don’t know what I may need at that moment,
 
I think its chocolate……
Oh no, it’s wine…..
Nope, that’s not it……
I need to be held,
No words just silence,
Hug me tight till it all ends.
 
But that’s not why I write.
I write because it’s better putting words on paper
Because it becomes evidence of the hardship I’ve overcome,
A reminder to me of how far I have come to be…
 
So…..For as many as they
That judges me everyday
Because I pour out my sadness
Just to make it clawless
I don’t wish for you to understand
For my pains you can never withstand
 
Just read my pains in written words
But never you wish to live in my world
For nothing dwells there
Nothing my dear
Nothing but pains
Real pain

THE CUTS AND THE SCARS

The reason I do this, the reason I cut myself is to replace some of the agonizing pain.I’ve been cutting myself ever since I can remember.

Before I came to this city, before I came to meeting you.

My friends from my old school didn’t care if I ended up committing suicide.

But I remember one.

Only one meant a lot to me.

Ella, my old friend.

She understood me, she tried everything in her power to keep me away from harms way.

After I moved and lost contact with her all the agonizing pain that she took from me came back!

Every night I would hold my “friend” to my wrist and slash open my warm, tanned colored skin.

The blood seeping down my arm, glistening in the dull restroom light.

This pain.

This pain replaced the one I had for her.

When I went to school I would have to wear sweaters to school even on very hot days, just to hide my scars from judging eyes.

Then I met you and you automatically became my friend.

You were the only one that was there for me.

You made me feel like I belonged, that I was needed, that I didn’t need to hurt myself to solve my problems.

But just one little slip and I came crashing down.

Back to my old self.

The self that I hated.

The self that I never wanted to go back to.

It’s gotten out of hand!

I just want to give up and say farewell to this God forsaken planet!

But I would end up hurting you.

Not me, but You.

The person that showed me that the world isn’t so bad.

The one that took my hand and lead me out f the darkness and into the light.

I would be hurting you Helen!

And I’m sorry I did.

I just didn’t know what to do.

When I wanted to contact you and tell you that my life was crashing down on me, the phone seemed miles away from my reach.

When I tried telling you at school, I couldn’t find the words.

So I ended up bottling the pain, the drama, all my problems inside of me and ended up breaking down.

I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.

And now I know better.

I’ll try to talk my problems out like I did when we first met.

And try to become the self that you knew and loved.The reason i do this

THE CRY OF A CHILD

From the very moment I opened my eyes to this world as a child, I have not been like others

Your love towards me has been worse than that given to a morbid bastard

Making me to wonder if am truly your son or did mom owe me an explanation of who my real father is.

 

Every child I have ever grown to know boasts of how loving their fathers has been

Showing proof of such love

But when it comes to mine I bow my head in shame like one that has no father.

 

Everything I have ever own has been given to me by me

But always you take the glory leaving me behind the scene

All this yet I kept my mouth shut just for peace to reign

 

Among your other kids am the best but with you am not better than the worst

Decisions of my life you have always made

Making me a tenant in my own life yet I made no complain

 

The very first word I learned was ‘’dad’’

And that has been my worst mistake

For you never deserve that

 

My siblings sleep every night with smiles on their faces

But mine gets filled with pains I dare not question

Praying tomorrow never comes for that is the only hope I could get

But I wake up every morning beholding your face and I ask why life has given me such gift.

 

I live hoping a day will come when I shall know the taste and the efficacy of happiness

A day when I shall be the landlord of my own life

Until this day comes … enjoy the moment which fate has given to you.

GINGSART BLOGS

An eagle you are in the eyes of your pairs

Your wings so strong that no tide you can’t break

The winds are your compass

And your pick strength in times of quake

 

Just yesterday we both strayed into the iceland

Thoughts of how we are survive rang so deep

But you never looked broken

For you are not a stranger in a strange land

 

You are like a fountain

So clean like crystal sea

Creatures of the earth drink from thee

And their strengths are renewed

 

If you’re a damsel

Many will sell  their treasures

Gold miles will be dug just for you

But you are more than a damsel

 

Gingsart I call you

Thou master of all art

My name is Gings

And thou my beloved is art

 

You found me in the time when all I needed was love

Gave me the true definition of love

Gave me that which no man can ever give

And for that I will love you until eternity

 

DEDICATED TO MY BLOG “GINGSART BLOGS”

 

 

GOODBYE TO MY LOVING ANGEL

Goodbye to you my darling Joy

This world is not a home to live in

The world is just a stage for mortal men

And you are not a mortal but an angel

Goodbye from the world of pain and loss of gain

 

I miss your smile my angel

I used to walk down the miles with it

For it makes walking down the miles worthwhile

A smile from an angel I treasured so much

Goodbye from the world of mortal men

 

I miss your teasing my darling friend

I miss your lovely and innocent face

I miss the moments we spent together

I miss your touch and sense of humor

That face that always beam with smile

 

Now I stand alone in this world

Filled with adversaries at all rounds

I stand tasting different forms of pains and bonds

No smile or tease from my beloved

No beauty to behold

 

The moment you closed your eyes

I knew the world would never be the same

For it is left without an angel…..

Leaving pains at every angle

But who is to be blamed

 

Am left with a huge vacuum in my heart

The one no mortal can fill

My heart is filled with pains

I feel your presence all day

But you are nowhere to be found

 

I wish to always be by your side

But fate will never let me be

Fate brought us together my darling angel

Same fate has now parted us

Goodbye to you my precious angel

 

I long for the day I shall see you again

The day your presence shall fulfill my zeal

Am tired of imagination

Because it’s never real

I long for you my beautiful Joy

 

Please pray along with me my angel

For the time seems to be too long

Let’s pray together to meet so soon

For my heart is longing for your love

Please pray with me with darling treasure

 

Goodbye to an angel is hard to say

My light has been quenched and filled with darkness

I stumble all day all the way

But I shall see you again my darling Joy

Goodbye until we meet again my most beloved treasure

 

I say goodbye with a heavy heart

Am no longer a freeman

For I am bound in chains of pains no gains

Until I see you again my angel

I shall remain bound