The reason I do this, the reason I cut myself is to replace some of the agonizing pain.I’ve been cutting myself ever since I can remember.
Before I came to this city, before I came to meeting you.
My friends from my old school didn’t care if I ended up committing suicide.
But I remember one.
Only one meant a lot to me.
Ella, my old friend.
She understood me, she tried everything in her power to keep me away from harms way.
After I moved and lost contact with her all the agonizing pain that she took from me came back!
Every night I would hold my “friend” to my wrist and slash open my warm, tanned colored skin.
The blood seeping down my arm, glistening in the dull restroom light.
This pain replaced the one I had for her.
When I went to school I would have to wear sweaters to school even on very hot days, just to hide my scars from judging eyes.
Then I met you and you automatically became my friend.
You were the only one that was there for me.
You made me feel like I belonged, that I was needed, that I didn’t need to hurt myself to solve my problems.
But just one little slip and I came crashing down.
Back to my old self.
The self that I hated.
The self that I never wanted to go back to.
It’s gotten out of hand!
I just want to give up and say farewell to this God forsaken planet!
But I would end up hurting you.
Not me, but You.
The person that showed me that the world isn’t so bad.
The one that took my hand and lead me out f the darkness and into the light.
I would be hurting you Helen!
And I’m sorry I did.
I just didn’t know what to do.
When I wanted to contact you and tell you that my life was crashing down on me, the phone seemed miles away from my reach.
When I tried telling you at school, I couldn’t find the words.
So I ended up bottling the pain, the drama, all my problems inside of me and ended up breaking down.
I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.
And now I know better.
I’ll try to talk my problems out like I did when we first met.
And try to become the self that you knew and loved.The reason i do this
From the very moment I opened my eyes to this world as a child, I have not been like others
Your love towards me has been worse than that given to a morbid bastard
Making me to wonder if am truly your son or did mom owe me an explanation of who my real father is.
Every child I have ever grown to know boasts of how loving their fathers has been
Showing proof of such love
But when it comes to mine I bow my head in shame like one that has no father.
Everything I have ever own has been given to me by me
But always you take the glory leaving me behind the scene
All this yet I kept my mouth shut just for peace to reign
Among your other kids am the best but with you am not better than the worst
Decisions of my life you have always made
Making me a tenant in my own life yet I made no complain
The very first word I learned was ‘’dad’’
And that has been my worst mistake
For you never deserve that
My siblings sleep every night with smiles on their faces
But mine gets filled with pains I dare not question
Praying tomorrow never comes for that is the only hope I could get
But I wake up every morning beholding your face and I ask why life has given me such gift.
I live hoping a day will come when I shall know the taste and the efficacy of happiness
A day when I shall be the landlord of my own life
Until this day comes … enjoy the moment which fate has given to you.
Goodbye to you my darling Joy
This world is not a home to live in
The world is just a stage for mortal men
And you are not a mortal but an angel
Goodbye from the world of pain and loss of gain
I miss your smile my angel
I used to walk down the miles with it
For it makes walking down the miles worthwhile
A smile from an angel I treasured so much
Goodbye from the world of mortal men
I miss your teasing my darling friend
I miss your lovely and innocent face
I miss the moments we spent together
I miss your touch and sense of humor
That face that always beam with smile
Now I stand alone in this world
Filled with adversaries at all rounds
I stand tasting different forms of pains and bonds
No smile or tease from my beloved
No beauty to behold
The moment you closed your eyes
I knew the world would never be the same
For it is left without an angel…..
Leaving pains at every angle
But who is to be blamed
Am left with a huge vacuum in my heart
The one no mortal can fill
My heart is filled with pains
I feel your presence all day
But you are nowhere to be found
I wish to always be by your side
But fate will never let me be
Fate brought us together my darling angel
Same fate has now parted us
Goodbye to you my precious angel
I long for the day I shall see you again
The day your presence shall fulfill my zeal
Am tired of imagination
Because it’s never real
I long for you my beautiful Joy
Please pray along with me my angel
For the time seems to be too long
Let’s pray together to meet so soon
For my heart is longing for your love
Please pray with me with darling treasure
Goodbye to an angel is hard to say
My light has been quenched and filled with darkness
I stumble all day all the way
But I shall see you again my darling Joy
Goodbye until we meet again my most beloved treasure
I say goodbye with a heavy heart
Am no longer a freeman
For I am bound in chains of pains no gains
Until I see you again my angel
I shall remain bound
Dedicated to all #Romantic people around.
Hey!All Romantic poetry lovers please do listen to this Ghazal of mine that has been broad-casted on Fm radio channel.
Do comment if you like it!